Feeling like a raisin (awaiting carrot cake transformation)


I’ve disappeared for awhile, haven’t I? As the variety that makes food so enjoyable has been cut from my life, I’ve lost momentum. I feel like I’ve reached the last page of a very slim cookbook, and there is nothing left to discover. In other words, I’m parched like a raisin with no carrot cake for remedy.

So what’s the point of all this complaining? I’ve always wanted to approach my food blogging with fiery optimism and enthusiasm for new, unpredictable recipes. I’ve wanted to shake my fist at my limitations and say, you’re not getting the last laugh! I am still going to have fun.

I haven’t quit, and I won’t. But I think there’s a legitimate time and place for disappointment, anger, boredom, exhaustion.

There’s a proverb that goes like:
eat, drink and be merry.
To which I’ve thought, well, merry comes after AND. So how can one be merry without the prior ingredients?

Socializing is painful. The simplest “lets catch up” revolves around sitting in a favorite cafe. Or what’s a birthday party without a cake? A Seahawks game without a pizza or beer? Food is a form of celebration. It’s unifying. Plus it helps dispel awkwardness. Take another bite, comment on how great the pasta is, and try that conversation again. Or don’t try, forget it all in that creamy Alfredo linguini heaven.

I’m not here to drown in a pity party puddle, because what good does that do? But being honest still matters.

It’s now about learning how to live so differently, to socialize creatively, to love the parts of life I’m still given recklessly, and to accept that yes, this is difficult 24/7. And yes, food has lost its wonder and joy. Perhaps this struggle is the building blocks of empathy for others in new ways. When our lives are shaken, and we’re deprived of things we love, we learn what really matters.

So I will be back online again. Maybe not until I’ve healed more or I have something new to say. But for now, this is where I’m at. And I know pain is the most necessary ingredient, along with perseverance and hope, to make that yeast really rise. What can be a sweeter accomplishment than the reward after a long process! I’m savoring that promise. The promise that at the end of this, be it better food or not, I’ll be stronger and more sympathetic towards others.



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